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One of the basic issues we need to understand is that parents and teens view school very differently. This is important because often we believe that our kids look at school the same way we do.

In many cases, nothing could be further from the truth.

For parents, we work and want to do well in our jobs. So we think because our kids don’t work full time or at all, then school is their full-time job, and they should want to excel.

For teens, as well as many younger kids, school is their social world interrupted by six to seven classes a day.

This different view is the cause for many dinner-table squabbles.

Every now and then, as parents describe the problems with grades, they will say, “We got a D in that class.”

I’ve thought of many responses to that statement, most of which I don’t share. What I do say is, “Excuse me, who is this we? Do you go to class or does your child?”

The point is that at some time – the earlier the better – school must become more important to your child than it is to you.

Having laid out these two basic principles, let’s look at some solutions for handling a less than exciting report card.

1) You’ll want to meet with the teacher of a class in which your child has done poorly. You should ask the teacher: What he thinks might be in the way of your child doing well in this subject; does she think your child has the tools to do well in this class; how are other kids of equal ability doing in this class; what does he recommend your child (notice, not we) do to improve in this class?

2) Learn how to read a report card. There is much more information there than just grades. There’s also conduct and attendance to check out. Look for patterns. If your kid got a good grade and great conduct in one class and poor grades and bad conduct in another, take a look at what the differences are between those two classes. Obviously, the child has the ability in one class. What’s in the way in the other?

3) Often kids will blame the teacher. “She doesn’t like me!” This is an opportunity to teach real-world living in which not all people, bosses included, are going to like you. At the same time, you still need to know how to do well in a situation, even when there are people who don’t like you.

4) Here’s a little trick of the trade: Determine which class comes right before your child’s lunch period. If grades, attendance and conduct are significantly different after lunch than before, the next question is what’s happening at lunch that is getting in the way?

5) Make two copies of your child’s report card _ one for you and one for your child. Draw a horizontal line to the right of each letter grade. Next to the end of that line, write the next letter grade up. For example, if the grade is an F, write a D. If it’s a D, write a C, and so on. These one-step-up grades are the goals for the next grading period.

This may sound like settling for less, but it really is not. It gives your child a manageable goal to reach. Over a couple of grading periods, this strategy can move low grades to high grades. If they go higher than the goal, then that’s a good thing. If they go lower than the goal, it’s time for some consequences.

6) It’s been my experience that grounding a kid for the entire grading period is in most cases counterproductive. For adults, nine weeks is not that long. For kids, however, it’s forever, and you get rapidly diminishing returns.

Instead, start with strong consequences, and then as effort, behavior and grades improve, let the rope out a little at a time, just enough for them to grow themselves.

It’s also useful to link grades to something that is important to them. As one father said to me last year, “In our family, Ds don’t drive.”

For Students

* The Law of a Good Start: Both parents and students say they get off to a great start and then begin to fall off. It’s human nature. We start to do well and then think we have arrived and can begin to coast. It doesn’t work.

* The Law of Staying Out in Front: Keep doing the things that got you off to a good start, or do them even more. Another way to stay out in front is to take whatever deadlines are given to you and move them up. In this way, you can be done in plenty of time and can relax.

* The Law of Manageable Pieces: Once you hit middle school, you have many classes and all the work that comes with each class. If you look at it as a whole, you will become overwhelmed. Break it down into smaller pieces, one class at a time, one assignment at a time. Do that one assignment well and then move on to the next. Doing small pieces one at a time allows you to accomplish a great deal more than you thought you could.

* The Law of Procrastination: Beware the words “I’ll do it later” because later rarely comes. If you can get a handle on beating procrastination now, you will be way ahead of most folks. The next time you are tempted to procrastinate, put it off. Tell yourself you will procrastinate later and do it now instead.

For Parents

*The Law of Report Cards: Report Cards can show much more than grades. If grades are low in the morning classes and higher in the afternoon, it could be an indication of too little sleep. If the grades are consistently lower after lunch, what might be going on at lunchtime?

It’s also important to remember that grades are merely a measure of aptitude, effort and ability. They are not a measure of your child’s worth.

* The Law of Knowing: Here are three things every parent should take the time to get to know: your child’s teacher; the material your child is being taught; your child’s friends and the parents of those friends.

Go to school. Meet the teachers. Ask questions. If you want to do something radical;, invite your child’s teacher over for dinner. You can get to know better someone who is influencing you child; the teacher can get to know your student’s family; your child gets to see that teachers are regular people.

* The Law of Different Perception: This one is especially important for parents. For the most part, parents and kids have very different perceptions when it comes to school. The parent’s perception is that we work for a living and want to do well at our job. Kids don’t work, so school is their job, and, of course, they should want to do well at it.

Often, however, the perception of kids is that school is their social world, interrupted by six or seven classes a day. These differing perceptions often create a wide gap to bridge.

* The Law of Importance: This is probably the most difficult one to flesh out in the real world. At some point, school needs to become more important to your child than it is to you. Somewhere along the line, she must find something to be excited about that is separate from your desires and expectations.

At some point, students need to be put in charge of school and be responsible for the outcome.