In some respects, you do not know what parenting is until your children hit their teens. It’s a whole new ball game. All of a sudden you realize that there is this huge gap between you and your kid and the more you try to fix it, the more it seems to broaden. Communication between you and your child seems to be dead. These are probably the toughest years!!

So what do you do to make it better?

Here are a few tips:

• Try and get into their heads. Do not assume that because you do not like something, your teen does not like it too.

• Remember to always be truthful to your teen. No matter how old your child grows, he/she looks at you as an example. If you want your teen to be truthful, you need to first be truthful. Honesty is the best policy you can instil in to them

• Do not jump into advising; first listen to what your teen has to say. Be empathetic.

• Your job during their teens is to spur and encourage them. If you are one who keeps criticizing, they are never going to want to communicate with you.

• You need to be available for them whenever they need you. They may want to talk in the middle of the night, it is important that you talk to them when they are willing to talk.

• If you are wrong, apologize. It takes a big person to apologize. Your teen will respect you much more for it.

• Don’t wait for your teen to ask you for help, sense it and then do your best to help them

• Respect your teen. Treat him/her like an adult. Give then their space.

• Remember to use words like “please”, “thank you” and “I love you” frequently with your teens.

Why is it important to raise fearless children? Simply put; fears paralyze, crush self esteem and destroy dreams.

I’ve worked with hundreds of parents over the past few years that have trouble helping their children overcome fear. The reason? They themselves can’t break through the barrier of fear and it’s then passed down from generation to generation.

I’d like to offer hope first, then a challenge.

It is possible to live free from fearful anxiety attacks, constant worry, over exaggerating stories that perpetuate the fearful attacks going off in your mind. People achieve freedom from fear on a daily basis but it takes diligent practice and guided instruction.  You can handle it, but you must tell yourself you can and believe it.  I didn’t say it would be easy, just that it is possible.

Here are a few tips you can use to challenge yourself while encouraging your teenager.

1. Ask how your teenager perceives themselves – Does your teenager feel ugly? Unlovable? Like they don’t measure up? Be transparent with them if that is how you also feel, but understand it is a belief that can be dramatically altered by learning a few powerful concepts and techniques.

2. When the time ‘feels right’, let them know you’d like to help them move away from their pain, not towards it. – Say this in a gentle way. You are not the enemy but when a child feels hurt, they often forget that so the timing and delivery of your message is very important.

3. Ask what you can do to help them when they feel frightened. – No matter who we are, being frightened is something that can happen to the best of us. Let them know you want to help through their feelings of fear but they must get beyond it.  You may need assistance in this yourself so make a commitment to work through it together.  Often your teen will appreciate working toward the same goal, which can often bridge a very wide gap.

4. Hold them – That’s right, give them a hug or put your arm around their shoulder.  Remember that they sometimes want to be held to, no matter how big, how old, how macho, how silly or how angry they might be on the outside. They are still young on the inside just like you are.

5. Ask what they think some of their trigger points are that remind them of the original hurt. – If the pain is not resolved, released or forgiven, the pain is buried and brought up again with a trigger of something said or done. Forgiveness is the only way past this problem.

6. Spend a few minutes of each day just the two of you. – You don’t have to say one word, just be in the same room with them a few minutes of each day. You will be amazed at what they begin to share with you on their own after a few days or weeks of doing this simple thing.

7. Remind them, and yourself, to be patient. – It will take time to bring about the changes you both want to see in your relationship.

It’s about being there, being present, and connecting to the best relationship you could possibly have with your teen.