Parenting is one of the toughest jobs we are ever given. A small, unformed mind and body becomes ours to guide, nurture, and raise into a responsible and well adjusted adult. If you’ve lost the co-parent in your life as a daily support whether through divorce or other external circumstances, single parenting can feel like an even more daunting task.

Bering a single mother is of particular challenge given that statistically single mothers struggle a bit more financially as women. In the midst of all of the demands of raising a child and supporting the family practically and financially, it becomes of paramount importance that self care be high on the list. Think of it as positioning your own oxygen mask on an airplane before adjusting your children’s masks. Here are 3 tips to help single moms stay sane:

1. Take very good care of yourself physically. Doing this will help you with energy, focus, and emotional stability as you face the various pressures and stresses of single parenting. Eat healthy foods, avoid “junk” and highly processed food, take supplements as needed (a food based multivitamin and fish oil are a good start for many people), and exercise regularly to increase fitness and boost your mood.

2. Gather your support network and accept their help. You will need adult support for you emotionally, as well as practical help so that you can prevent being overwhelmed by parenting alone. When people offer to help you, don’t pretend to be superwoman and turn them down. Accept the help with gratitude and make the most of it!

3. Do a small thing for yourself each day. Make a list of activities or little indulgences you really enjoy. Pick one thing off this list to do for yourself daily. This helps send your mind a message, that you are worthy and deserving of a little spoiling. As much as you give your children and your job, etc, you need to give yourself something to look forward to.

It isn’t easy being a mother! Mother’s Day is a well-deserved holiday. Thanks to its inventor, designer, instigator or whatever you wish to call him or her.

From the time she is made aware there is a life forming inside her. The woman begins to realize the lack of power she has over her own being. Awesome emotions arise in her, hope, fear, love, resentment and happiness. Seesawing feelings put her on the roller coaster ride of her life. Observers may think she’s losing her mind because of her wave-like attitudes and actions.

She feels out of control for a time, because of her unsure up and down moods. Eventually, if she’s lucky, she will settle down to an even keel and ride the waves with ease. Sure she saw the photo of her little one, but it still didn’t feel real. Then, the little being flutters its butterfly wings, or so it feels. She thinks she felt movement in her belly. “No, just my imagination. There it is again! Wow! There is real life in there! Hi Baby, I’m your mother,” she says, tears welling in her eyes.

This is just the beginning of her mother-child relationship. Her instincts cause her to be protective of her most recent charge and her life takes off in lofty, new directions. Pregnancy and motherhood dominate her thoughts and actions. Hopefully, it will be a positive nine-month experience. True, for an occasional woman, this is a less than pleasant time, which is sad because she will miss on to the most exhilarating times in her life. Pregnancy is her opportunity to hold hands with God as this new creation uses her body as its host for growth. She is its cocoon of safety until it is ready to burst forward into new life.

Her back, feet and legs will ache. Her belly gets in the way of tying shoes, cutting toenails and vacuuming under the bed. Sleeping on her stomach will be another sacrifice in the later months. She will outgrow her clothes and be forced to wear styles she will come to abhor. But, still she persists. She is with child. She wonders if she is still attractive to her husband and thinks “not!”

Eventually, the little “miracle” makes its way into the world. More changes! Sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, baby spit up on its clothes and hers, even the furniture is baptized in baby food reject. Her lessons are in patience, charity, forgiveness and hope for better times. For a while, praising God for an occasional good night’s sleep will be her reward for motherhood. Later, the joys of the first steps and the first words, the toothless smiles, the knee hugs and the juicy, face-kisses, help her to know its all worth it-being a mother.

Three years old, becoming a real person At three years, or there about, her youngster learns the power of words. “No!” and “Why?” become her constant companions, the thorn in her side. She begins to believe she has become a Professor of world knowledge, but is ready to retire. Eventually, she learns the “Mothers’ Secret Weapon,” the answer of all answers, “Because I said so!”

Tantrums are the little life-agitations she learns to walk away from. She gets a handle on the art of being deaf to noisy protests.

At five or six years of age, school days bring motherly pride and blessed QUIET. Sanity returns from the 8 to 3 or somewhere around that time. Occasionally, bedtime comes and she can obliterate the responsibility of family life, but before she goes to sleep, she thanks God for them all. She really loves them.

When did I lose control? Just when mother has gained a measure of control on her life and feels good about a job well done, a “strange” teenager emerges. Then the days, of why, whining and tantrums and “No, I won’t!” return from nowhere, just like a bad dream. Rebelliousness, defiance, and resentfulness and daring proclamations become the order of the day. Dutifully, mom chauffeurs this “new creation” to soccer and band practice and an occasional pajama party, then wonders if her trust was justified. She has to reach down into the recesses of her soul to find that youthful, innocent mother of her child’s younger years. She has to relearn the patience, kindness, forgiveness and hope of the three-year-old years.

Prayer is her constant crutch. God learns to recognize her voice again. If her faith is strong she will believe He is listening and may even be able to listen to Him, instead of just shouting for His aid.

The “enemy” seems to be hiding behind the sanctuary of a closed bedroom door most of the time. Once in a while, the sullen, dark face passes by, not speaking. She still loves her child. It’s hard, but she loves this stranger. Somewhere in her mother’s heart, there is a tiny light of hope for better days.

Then high school graduation is on the horizon Better days do come, much later, it seems, but they do come. That wet-face-kisser, that jeans-dragging, body-pierced, money-grabbing humanoid, gradually goes through some miraculous changes, itself. High school is drawing to a close. Thoughts of life after school emerge when the irresponsible roots have been jerked out of the ground. “Whoa, what now?” The question has a sobering effect on this almost adult.

Praise God, praise God. My child must have cleaned out his/her ears, cleared the cobwebs from his/her brain,” mother shouts. Hopefully, this new being will go on to college or learn a trade, marry and produce little humanoids in his/her own likeness, with all the characteristics of his/her own youth.

Mom’s revenge, grandchildren

Then, and only then, Mom, turned Grandma, can cover her smile behind her hand and think “Gotcha!”

Being a mother can be fulfilling especially when everything goes well with the new baby. Picture perfect moments of bonding with baby are the stuff which most new moms dream of. In reality, however, the world of a new mom is not always rosy. There are moments when your baby will do things that will cause you to worry. There will also be times when your baby will not seem to respond well to all the love and affection you show.

As your baby grows older, he or she will start displaying different types of behavior. Occasionally, your baby may misbehave, fail to follow your instructions, throw things at you, hit you or cry unceasingly for unknown reasons. As a mom, we feel that it is our primary role to be our baby’s source of comfort so that a baby that is upset makes us feel inadequate or insecure. A new mom’s self confidence can be eroded further when her baby suddenly gets sick. Babies do get sick every now and then, and when this happens, most of us wonder where we went wrong or what we may have failed to do, as if to imply that we are the cause of our babies’ illnesses.

Your baby is like any other child who will continuously develop traits that can lead you to pause and reflect on your parenting skills. The question, “Am I a good mom?” will come up every now and then. Can anybody tell you what makes a woman a good mom?

What is a Good Mom?

a. Some adjectives. There is no textbook definition of a good mother. As every child is unique, so will a good mother be different in various situations. People describe a good mother in different ways, using a combination of words such as: patient, kind, understanding, generous, affectionate, loving, hardworking, persevering, efficient, reliable, sensitive, sacrificing, and intuitive. The list goes on.

b. Unconditional love. A common denominator among those who are perceived to be good moms is this: All the things that make a mom great are stuff that manifest her unconditional love for her child. A mom cannot go wrong with her child if her actions and decisions are guided by her love.

c. Guiding light. Mistakes that your baby will make are part of growing up. While it is your role to guide your baby as he or she is developing, problems in your baby’s behavior do not always imply that you are a bad mother. Do not be too hard on yourself. You did your best; some things just don’t turn out the way we want them to.

d. Sharing parental responsibility. A good mother can share parenting duties with others like her baby’s dad or some other responsible person. Allowing someone else, like your partner or members of your immediate family, to participate in raising your baby does not make you a bad mom already. A good mother is not necessarily a super mom. She knows when it is necessary to delegate minor baby care duties to someone she trusts in order to get other pressing tasks done.

Don’t let anyone or anything lead you into thinking that you failed as a mother. Resist the urge to question your parenting abilities. Avoid making comparisons with other moms and their babies. Your maternal instinct and sound judgment should make you the best person to decide what’s best for your baby. In the meantime, I encourage you to shower your baby with all the love, care and attention you can give him or her now. What matters is that in the eyes of your baby, you are a good mom.

Single mothers face a lot of problems while bringing up children in USA. Financial problems being the most important as ex-husband may not pay the court order money for child support. These mothers may not be able to do a full time job as a result they may not be able to pay for day care and may not meet the criteria for head start. Many are thus dependent on AFDC (aid to families with dependent children) or WIC (Women Infants and children). This dependence on welfare organization once established is difficult to break.

There are many reasons for the financial worries of single mothers. Although most ex-spouses fulfill their court ordered financial obligations regarding their children; a few of them do not comply with this court ordered support. The latter case not only results in extra psychological and physical burden on the single mother, it makes it difficult for her to fulfill the requirements of the child in regards to food and clothing. A lot of people may consider court ordered support as luxury; but on the contrary it is just enough to meet the requirements.

The children constantly grow so they require a regular supply of clothing and food. Education is not entirely free even in state schools. Similarly preschool children require child care, whereas day care is difficult to afford. More over the WIC or AFDC will not support the mother till the issue of court order is resolved. This means going back to the court again and making your ex-husband to pay either by wage garnishment or by any other legal way. It is not an easy task to find an ex- husband so the lone mother can do nothing than to rely on herself alone. This places the mother as well as the child in a danger of becoming homeless. These are the risks of single parenting.

It is difficult to afford daycare as they usually require up to $400 per month. Most lone mothers have to take a job. However with the daycare being so costly it may not be possible for the mother to work as well as look after her preschool children. The head start and the early start are good supportive programs but most of these mothers do not fall in the specified low income groups especially when receiving court support.

So they may not get any support from head start and have to bare all the expenses of daycare all by themselves. She might not get some help from the child’s preschool also. Actually she belongs to the working community among poor. These and such are the problems faced by a single mum in America.

Short comings in the welfare system also effect these single mothers. These mothers are considered the same as any other poor social group by many federal and state programs which run WIC and AFDC. On the other hand these women are more likely to suffer from many psychiatric illnesses which then become a major hurdle in getting job or other financial assistance. As a result of which it becomes difficult for them to gain financial independence and they become permanently dependent on welfare.

As a whole the single mothers living in USA face problems which are quite different from others. It is essential that more funds should be allocated for them

Believe it or not, the old saying ‘like mother, like daughter’ is still very true and alive.

A recent study by researchers at Ohio State University on parenting reported an interesting finding. It claimed that women are more likely to follow how their parents practiced parenting than men.

The said survey based its report on findings from 1,133 young parents who were asked various questions. Some of the questions were on how frequently they spanked their children, how often they displayed affection to their children and how frequently they read to their children in the recent weeks. The researchers chose their subjects from a particular group whose parents had participated in a nationwide survey that started way back in 1979.

The research was able to establish the fact that mothers learn a lot about the parenting activities of their own mothers whereas fathers don’t follow their mothers as much. For all three behaviors — spanking children, giving physical affection/praise, and reading to children — women closely followed what their mothers did. This was not the case among men, the study authors found.

It is established that most mothers in the period under study (i.e. 1970s and 1980s) stayed home to parent their children. It is also true that though a lot of women were entering the workforce then, majority of them still did a lot of parenting their children. Despite these facts however, the fathers under study did not learn parenting from their mothers.

A lot more is still to be learnt about how fathers learn parenting.