Child rearing is an experience that makes adults out of grown-up children, called parents. As soon as a child is added in the life of a couple, everything changes. Suddenly, the baby becomes the focus of their lives. Everything revolves around the needs of the baby. The first formative years, from age birth upto five years lay the foundation of the whole life of a child. Mistakes made in child rearing during this time can sometimes be irreversible.

One of the fundamental principles of parenting is to appreciate the needs of a baby. If the needs are misunderstood, the responses of the parents will lead to damage in the bond between the baby and the mother. One of the earliest needs of the baby are- food, sleep, being clean and a sense of safety. Once these needs are met, the baby is a happy baby. The first three needs are physical but the need to feel safe is where there is a difference of opinion among experts. In cultures, where babies are free to sleep with parents and where the mother is available to cling to during any time of the day, the baby feels safe. In cultures where babies are made to sleep in separate rooms, and most of the waking life is spent in creches, there is a shift in the baby’s perception of safe relationships.

Spending time in creches has the advantage of bonding with different person/s other than the mother, which may be looked at as the start of making the individual independent. But the frequent change in caregivers gives confusing messages to the subconscious. The more the changes in the number of caregivers involving less touch, the more the nervous system feels unstimulated. At the end of the day, the baby’s needs for safety are prime after feeding and cleaning has been done. Touch plays a major role in providing the baby, a sense of safety. The more the tender touch is available, the safer the baby feels. Sensorial satiation is what makes a child grow up to be a stable individual.

When a baby does not get sensorial satisfaction, then the baby starts to develop various problems, one of which is hyperactivity. In my own observations, a child who has had the kind of touch that is available to a child reared full time by a mother in India or in Nigeria, he or she is likely to be more stable emotionally. In this case the behaviour can be easily controlled because the nervous system has absorbed the sense of safety in the subconscious. The hyperactivity happens because the nervous system has not reached its level of satisfaction. Children in India are of lesser weight than a baby born in Western Europe. Yet they develop motor skills like crawling and walking and talking earlier than children in the Westren countries. My conclusion is that the sense of safety by touch by mother is the key to this difference. In India, in families in which the baby gets touch -experiences the whole day by family members, even if the mother may be working, motor skills are learnt earlier.

As the baby grows up to understand language, the next step is to teach the baby ways of life. A normal baby who feels well loved, will behave well and will not show any problem behaviour. Any reprimand by the parent, by a well bonded child, is taken seriously and obeyed. The more the child feels loved, the less are the chances of misbehaviour.Love is the best foundation for discipline.

When a child is to be reprimanded, it needs to be done immediately after an event and not ten minutes later. A child has a short memory span. So correction has to be immediate. This way the child can learn to associate the event with the consequences. It is important to let a child know what the expected conduct needs to be rather than giving out for undesirable behaviour.

Spanking or beating is not needed to correct a child. They are counter-productive. If you want a behaviour to discontinue, let the child know of its consequences. For example, if you do not want a toddler to go near a burning candle, then you have to hold the child’s hand and bring it to a safe distance from the flame, so that the child can feel the heat. Once a child knows the fire can burn, they will not go near the flame. Such experiences demand hard work and alertness on the part of a parent. But it is worth it if you want a healthy and well adjusted happy adult as a child.

Experience teaches a child. Words do not mean much, till they are associated with experience. In order for a child to learn, every mistake and its consequences have to be explained in simple language without going into too much details. And everything needs to be based on truth. If a child observes parents being untruthful in any area of life, no matter what you tell them about truth, they will learn to be untruthful.

Copyright Pradeep K Chadha 2006

In the past, single parents were looked upon with pity and shame. Before divorce was so common, it was viewed as highly unfortunate, and single parenting was regarded as sad. Though divorce is never a happy occasion, the circumstances surrounding single parenting today are much more varied and much less grim. Many single mothers and fathers are raising children alone by choice and happy to be doing it.

Single Parenting in the Black Community

The African American community is one that has been dealing with single-parent households for many generations. In the past, single mothers raising black children have had to do so for numerous reasons, even outside of divorce. The statistics involving black males and early death (by violent crime or otherwise) was one factor. Incarceration rates among black males of child-rearing age were also responsible for the fact that most black single parents were women in the past.

The landscape of single parenting in the African-American community, as in other races has changed considerably over the last couple of decades. Single fathers are increasingly taking on the responsibility for raising children. Also, single mothers and single fathers are sharing responsibility of all aspects of child rearing.

Also, the circumstances surrounding single parenting have changed considerably, broadening the range of reasons it happens in the first place. More and more people are having children out of wedlock, simply for the objective of having children. Though these choices are still considered to be unconventional, they are more widely accepted today than they ever were before.

Issues and Concerns

For mothers raising black children alone, there are several factors that must be taken into consideration. One of the factors is finances. If a single mother is also the single financial provider, she is often working full time, and may even work more than one job. In this case, adequate childcare must be arranged. For school-aged children, the cost of before and after school care can be easier for single parents to afford. If the child or children are too young for school, then the single parent must be able to afford full-time child care or at least be able to rely on the help of a grandparent or other relative that can help care for the children while the parent is out earning a living for the family.

Another consideration of black single parents is access to suitable male role models. Single mothers raising black children have traditionally struggled with this, as there isn’t always a black male in the family that children can look to as a role model. Fortunately, there are more and more African-American “heroes” either in leadership positions, in the media, or in the community. Big brother and big sister programs offer access to role model material that black children can relate to and spend time with. Many of the organizations that provide matching services for children and “role models” promote healthy, long-term relationships that make all the difference in the lives of children being raised by black single parents.