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One of the basic issues we need to understand is that parents and teens view school very differently. This is important because often we believe that our kids look at school the same way we do.

In many cases, nothing could be further from the truth.

For parents, we work and want to do well in our jobs. So we think because our kids don’t work full time or at all, then school is their full-time job, and they should want to excel.

For teens, as well as many younger kids, school is their social world interrupted by six to seven classes a day.

This different view is the cause for many dinner-table squabbles.

Every now and then, as parents describe the problems with grades, they will say, “We got a D in that class.”

I’ve thought of many responses to that statement, most of which I don’t share. What I do say is, “Excuse me, who is this we? Do you go to class or does your child?”

The point is that at some time – the earlier the better – school must become more important to your child than it is to you.

Having laid out these two basic principles, let’s look at some solutions for handling a less than exciting report card.

1) You’ll want to meet with the teacher of a class in which your child has done poorly. You should ask the teacher: What he thinks might be in the way of your child doing well in this subject; does she think your child has the tools to do well in this class; how are other kids of equal ability doing in this class; what does he recommend your child (notice, not we) do to improve in this class?

2) Learn how to read a report card. There is much more information there than just grades. There’s also conduct and attendance to check out. Look for patterns. If your kid got a good grade and great conduct in one class and poor grades and bad conduct in another, take a look at what the differences are between those two classes. Obviously, the child has the ability in one class. What’s in the way in the other?

3) Often kids will blame the teacher. “She doesn’t like me!” This is an opportunity to teach real-world living in which not all people, bosses included, are going to like you. At the same time, you still need to know how to do well in a situation, even when there are people who don’t like you.

4) Here’s a little trick of the trade: Determine which class comes right before your child’s lunch period. If grades, attendance and conduct are significantly different after lunch than before, the next question is what’s happening at lunch that is getting in the way?

5) Make two copies of your child’s report card _ one for you and one for your child. Draw a horizontal line to the right of each letter grade. Next to the end of that line, write the next letter grade up. For example, if the grade is an F, write a D. If it’s a D, write a C, and so on. These one-step-up grades are the goals for the next grading period.

This may sound like settling for less, but it really is not. It gives your child a manageable goal to reach. Over a couple of grading periods, this strategy can move low grades to high grades. If they go higher than the goal, then that’s a good thing. If they go lower than the goal, it’s time for some consequences.

6) It’s been my experience that grounding a kid for the entire grading period is in most cases counterproductive. For adults, nine weeks is not that long. For kids, however, it’s forever, and you get rapidly diminishing returns.

Instead, start with strong consequences, and then as effort, behavior and grades improve, let the rope out a little at a time, just enough for them to grow themselves.

It’s also useful to link grades to something that is important to them. As one father said to me last year, “In our family, Ds don’t drive.”

What’s hard for teenagers

Having people who don’t understand you trying to control you.

Parents not understanding the things you have to deal with.

Having to deal with school.

Being accepted by friends.

Having someone really close to you leave you.

Being blamed for almost everything because we are teen-agers.

Living with divorced parents and having no say in where you go.

Dealing with boy/girl friends.

Trying to deal with a parent who doesn’t want to understand and take time to listen to your comments.

Not being financially independent.

Meeting parents’ expectations and never being good enough.

Knowing your parents are right.

What’s best about being a teen

Getting away with immature behavior.

The chance to try new things.

Having your whole life ahead of you.

Youth, energy and time.

Lots to look forward to.

Getting a driver’s license

Almost being done with school.

Friends and relationships.

Not having to work.

Summer vacation.

What parent’s don’t understand

Our schedules and our social lives.

That restrictions don’t work and talking does.

We’re old enough to make our own choices.

We need to have our freedom every once in a while.

That we make mistakes just like they did.

Grades aren’t the only thing I’m good for; I can make you proud by just being me!!

We love you even if you aren’t around.

Threats make me fear you, not respect you.

What the world is like now, not what it was like when they were kids.

We have feelings, too.

Their words can hurt really badly.

It really is hard to live in a family where your opinion doesn’t count.

We understand trust isn’t cheap but we have to learn some things for ourselves.

Raising kids is very expensive and requires a lot of savvy money planning. It is estimated that the cost to raise one child for 18 years is over 250,000 dollars, not to mention college and their first car. For parents on a tight budget, there is hope. With just a few money saving strategies here and there, you can save thousands.

Save on Children and Babies Clothing

If you are a parent, you know how fast kids can grow out of clothing and shoes. In some cases, a child can outgrow items before even wearing them. In this regard, there is no sense in buying expensive clothes every few weeks. Consider shopping at the end of each season for next year’s wardrobe. You can often find name brand close outs for a fraction of the cost. If you are worried about fashion trends, don’t worry, some things never go out of style. This is the perfect time to buy socks, underwear, or pajamas.

Kids Toy Discounts Online

You can often find popular kids toys at a much cheaper rate by shopping online. Consider auction sites or discount toy sites. Many companies now buy overstock items and offer them at great prices online. Since these companies do not have to worry about maintaining a store front, they often have lower overhead. Many companies will pass those savings onto their customers. Another great option about shopping at home is the time you save by avoiding long check out lines and trips to the store. Many large companies like Toys R Us and KB Toys have a large selection online, and they even have special deals for online customers only.

Use Book Exchange Program

If your child is an avid reader, you understand that the average paperback now costs over five dollars. If you child can read five or six books a week that can be a large expense. If you join a book exchange program, you really save a lot of money. Many used book stores offer this option. You can trade in the books you have already read and then use the credit you receive to purchase new books. In most cases, it will take at least two trade ins for one new book. You might also consider swapping books with other parents. There are a few sites online that offer a swapping service that is nationwide. You list the books you have and then search through other peoples books to find what you are looking for.

Start a Pass It on Club
Pass it on clubs are beginning to gain popularity across the country. These clubs are made up of a group of parents who have kids in all different age and size groups. The group will meet once every few months and swap gently used clothing that their children no longer wear. Rather than throwing away perfectly good clothing you can recycle it to the next person and help build a greener planet.

1. Is the camp ACA (American Camp Association) accredited? Although accreditation does not assure safety, and some states, have more rigorous safety requirements, accreditation is a very good place to start. The ACA evaluates many standards concerning safety, health, program and camp operations, and provides support to over 2,200 camps.

2. “Staff Training” or “Counselor Orientation” programs are not all the same. To understand what the counselors are taught, and by whom, you may want to see the training curriculum and training materials. For instance, does the camp share with its counselors the general and activity specific safety requirements they say they DO? Is there a process to document training attendance? Is there a test that counselors need to pass? Is there a document counselors must sign affirming that they understand and will abide by all safety rules and procedures? Ask your camp directors these questions and see if your satisfied with their answers.

3. Your child’s safety and well-being directly depends on the type of counselors the camp hires. Counselors are the individuals living and eating with, and supervising, your child 24 hours a day. Ask about the camp’s screening process, and review the materials the camp has gathered concerning the counselors, including their biographical backgrounds (and ages), their swimming, driving and criminal records, and their prior employment histories (for example, has a counselor previously been fired elsewhere?). You may also want to know what percentage of the counselors are teachers and/or parents, and what percentage possess a current cardiopulmonary resuscitation (CPR) certificate and/or are trained in first aid?

4. Not all camps discipline staff or children attending the camp, in the same manner. You may want to learn the camp’s discipline policies and ask certain questions: (a) does it enforce a written policy of zero tolerance for drug use or alcohol abuse (are counselors fired after first time drug use/alcohol abuse is discovered?); (b) does it enforce a written staff and/or child curfew and, if so, what time?; and (c) has it fired counselors before and why?

5. Find out if there have been prior deaths or serious injuries at the camp. You may want to learn what happened and what the camp has done in response.

6. For all out-of-camp trips, particularly hikes and excursions, does there exist a specific protocol? You may want to ensure that the camp requires (a) a trip leader qualified to Respond To Emergencies (“RTE”) (as required in some states) (this Red Cross certification requires significant hours of specialized training); (b) counselors to bring with them communication devices; (c) the counselor-in-charge to be over a certain age; (d) a buddy system to be employed; (e) a lost camper plan to be followed; and (f) a parental permission slip to be signed.

7. Has the camp identified possible major threats to the camp, staff, or guests? Do they have an emergency plan?

· Environmental threats — earthquakes, hurricanes, forest fires, dam collapses, and tornadoes.

· Security threats — hostile parents or visitors, hostage situations, verbalized threats, and child abduction.

· Health threats — intentional or unintentional food poisoning or water contamination, child abuse, communicable disease outbreaks, staff death, and group-wide emotional stress resulting from a catastrophic event.

· Off-site hazards — off-site trips, airports, nuclear power plants, and dangerous wildlife.

8. All camps should have written health policies and protocols that have been approved by a physician with a particular knowledge of children’s health, preferably a pediatrician.

9. Camp authorities should be responsible for describing to the parents the activities and programs and the health services available at the camp. Parents should be aware of the preadmission medical requirements at the time of registration.

10. Before the child’s first day of camp, parents or guardians should provide the camp authorities with a health history, including the child’s significant previous illnesses, operations, injuries, allergies, present state of health, and current medical problems. Also, orders from a licensed health care professional should be obtained for prescription medications, diets, or special medical devices such as inhalers or nebulizers.

For more camp information, go to www.acacamps.org.

Now that you have a summer camp safety strategy, you and your child can have a great summer camp experience. Especially, when you’re able to sleep at night knowing they are in a safe and well-staffed environment.

Do you ever wonder what is behind the occasional nasty attitudes expressed by your teenager? Teenagers can make their parents feel pretty badly at times; if they only knew how much their words and actions sometimes hurt us they’d probably stop. Perhaps.

It isn’t a developmental necessity that teenagers be mean to their parents, but enough of them demonstrate this behavior that it not only warrants examination here, it is the topic of frequent discussion among parents. And when young adults look back, they say things like “I’m still apologizing to my mom for how I treated her when I was in high school.”

Why do they act this way? What’s behind this behavior? Here are a couple of reasons.

During adolescence parents fall off the pedestal we once stood on when our kids were young. And that is a developmental necessity. Part of the process that teenagers are experiencing includes separating from parents, a process psychologists call “individuation.” They are coming into their own true – separate – selves. And this includes seeing parents realistically – and that means they see our flaws and short comings as well as our positive attributes.

Smaller children often make that pedestal parents stand on pretty high; think back and you’re sure to remember incidences that surprised you when you realized how you were perceived as infallible, nearly “perfect,” truly “adored.” When teenagers begin to gain a more realistic view of their parents it can actually be scary for them. They can feel vulnerable, angry even, to discover their parents are only human, imperfect like the rest of humanity. Obviously they will learn to cope with this realization, but at an unconscious level it can still be disturbing to them. This can be one cause of their “mean” behavior toward parents.

It will help parents to understand that along with the disappointment in learning adults are flawed, may also come relief as teenagers learn that “perfection” is not a prerequisite for adulthood. Parents can help their teens through this shift in thinking and this important developmental step by being realistic about their flaws.

Another reason why kids sometimes present challenging attitudes to parents is that they’re testing out ideas. Hopefully, at a deep level, your teen knows that he/she can count on you and you’ll never abandon him/her, no matter what. That makes you, then, the safest person with whom she can express her feeling and thoughts – even ones that are not typically allowed in our culture.

Parents who provide walls and boundaries are not only keeping kids safe, they are providing walls to push against, and push they will! This may not be what the parent intends, but it is often the case, again, because of the inherent “safety” in the relationship. Parents can become, merely because of circumstances, the testing ground teens use to verbalize ideas, attitudes and behavior, sometimes with little regard for our feelings. Mother-daughter relationships, in particular, can exemplify this. One author referred to “mother” as the “standard to which she aspires and struggles against.” So, you see the challenge can be built right into the relationship.

There are many causes for the changing behavior of teenagers, and some of the attitudes they express can hurt parents’ feelings. The more parents understand the underlying causes for what is going on, the more we can properly manage our responses. We certainly don’t need to accept unacceptable behavior, but on the other hand we can help the situation if we are knowledgeable about what might be really behind it.

Sue Blaney

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